Moose and Squirrel

It was a cool night, unusual for this time of year. The shops were closed, and with the lights out I could make out a decent smattering of stars above me. The surf crashed onto the beach, and pulled out again in it's regular beat, echoing from somewhere beyond my sight. I walked out in the opposite direction, between two rows of darkened storefronts.
The buzzing from my phone jolted me out of my idle daze, and I fumbled for a moment inside my pocket for it. The gruff voice I found on the other end wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world to hear, but it got the message across. I was supposed to think like a thief for this job. Easy enough. Most likely scenario was a quick smash and grab, but the alarm sticker on the window of the jewelry store made that unlikely, especially after closing. All the jewels would be in the safe, which would take too long to crack conventionally. Explosives would make too much noise too.
Start with the point of entry. I walked around, casting a glance down the pier to the security booth to ensure the guard posted was still dozing. Then I checked for handholds, finding a giant lobster on the restaurant next door very accommodating. Once on the roof, a quick glance revealed another point of entry, a glass skylight, wired of course, with the alarm box hidden under a panel by the latch. I knew that because she traced her fingers over the glass and then the panel before clicking it open and entering a code.
Slender, bare fingers. Unusual for someone in this line of work, but she seemed careful. I ducked behind an air conditioning unit when she glanced around, and satisfied she was alone, climbed down through the skylight. She was hanging from the edge, and swung her feet, building up momentum for a jump. When she let go, she landed on a desk at the far side of the room. Impressive.
But she didn't know that the owner had shut the internal security off earlier in the day. When she went into the back room, I jumped down the skylight after her. I knew how to land, having practice at being a sneak, and made minimal noise, hoping to get the drop on her. Soft steps, and I was at the door, edging it carefully open.
She was knelt down in front of the safe and I finally had a good look at her. Lithe, a little too willowy for my tastes, and the boyish haircut didn't suit her. I didn't go for blondes either, but she had skill. She traced a finger around the front panel of the safe, and after a moment stripped off her dark denim jacket. It was then that my hunch was confirmed.
The scarring on her shoulder was partially covered up by a tattoo, a circuit board angel wing. It didn't cover the thin line trailing down her arm, and into the palm of her left hand. Her right index finger was the one doing the tracing, and I'd bet my hat it had a magnetic implant. What came next was new to me.
She pressed her left palm over the digital control pad on the safe and with a squeeze of her fingers, it started to beep. There was a faint vibration on her skin, and another beep from her hand had it stop. She entered a set of numbers into the keypad on the safe, and it popped open. Empty.
"It was emptied earlier today. The owner was concerned by the recent thefts and had wanted his security tested. Guess it needs work."
She whirled around at my words, and pulled out a small handgun. I already had a knife out, but just twirled the blade between my fingers.
"Let me guess, some kind of ultrasound implant? The magnet was pretty basic, using it to trace the wiring on the security system was clever, but THAT," I gestured to her hand with the point of my knife, "I wasn't expecting."
She cocked an eyebrow, and raised the gun up to my face. I shook my head.
"You're obviously a pro, so you know better. Come on. Let me buy you a cup of coffee. Someone like you must have an interesting story." I offered.
"Are you serious?" She asked, incredulous. With a sexy accent like that, of course I was serious, and nodded.
"I'll even throw in some donuts." I smiled, hoping to be charming. She returned the smile, and lowered her weapon.
"Vhy not?"
I turned and unlocked the rear door for us. Mistake. I felt the handle of her gun crash into the back of my skull and my vision went red as I fell to my knees. Foot steps clattered beside me, and I made a blind grab. I heard her fall, and then a splash as something small hit the water. I pulled her back by what felt like her ankle, dodging a kick as my sight came back.
She struck at me again with her foot and I caught it, quickly standing. That caught her off guard, enough so for me to drag her back inside. I didn't want to hurt her, but my arms were getting tired with the bucking wheel barrow maneuver. I was still able to tie together the loose laces of her shoes around her ankles, tangling her up until I found a pair of industrial strength zip ties.
It took fifteen minutes for the cops to arrive, and I made sure to give them a copy of the stores security feed. She had called me all manner of names, some in a language I didn't understand, but before they hauled her off, I had one last thing to say to her.
"Say moose and squirrel. Just once."
She glared at me. And in the purest American Midwestern accent, said "Moose and squirrel" followed by another string of vulgarities. The cops laughed. I shrugged, and waved as they drove off in the squad car. Coffee would have been better. And as the sun came into my eyes, I had to admit, I knew she was faking the accent the whole time.